Posts tagged mental health
XXXTentacion's murder and the nuance of addressing the past transgressions of the dead
Uproxx Studios

Uproxx Studios

When you die, your memory gets placed in a vacuum. Your fans and those you hold dear choose to remember the good; the positive influence you left on them or the strides you made, both professionally and personally. Others will analyze you as a whole and come to a determination on whether or not you were a quality person. One sinful transgression is all that is needed for a person to formulate an unwavering opinion about your time here on earth.

(John McCall/South Florida Sun-Sentinel via AP)

(John McCall/South Florida Sun-Sentinel via AP)

The murder of rapper XXXTentacion - born Jahseh Dwayne Onfroy - stunned social media Monday, leaving a flood of tweets memorializing the 20-year-old and debates on how his life should be remembered. The volatile star lived a very grim life; born to a single mother whose last priority was raising a son, XXXTentacion was only 6 when he stabbed a man while protecting his mom. A violent childhood followed him, and he was later expelled from middle school, and arrested in high school for a number of reasons, including armed robbery, burglary, and illegal possession of drugs and firearms. During a 2016 interview with No Jumper, XXXTentacion talked about his time in juve, and shared a story about stomping on his cellmate's head, smearing his blood on his face like warpaint, because he thought he was staring at him naked.

Then there's the accusations of violence against women. An old video surfaced earlier this year, which appears to show XXX striking a woman from behind. His ex-girlfriend, Geneva Ayala, accused XXXTentacion of brutish, horrifying abuse, from breaking her phone and slapping her in the face, to raping her with a barbecue fork, to daily verbal attacks and threats, to holding her underwater and threatening to drown her, and guilt-tripping her into near-suicide attempts.

Mirror

Mirror

When XXXTentacion went to jail for armed home invasion and aggravated battery charges, Ayala fled and dated someone else. When he found out after his release and them moving back in together, Ayala claims he punched, strangled and threatened to kill her and their unborn child. He was on trial for aggravated battery on a pregnant victim, domestic battery by strangulation, false imprisonment, and witness tampering at the time of his death.

Obviously there is a high degree of difficulty analyzing XXX post-life. To most, the horrifying accounts of his 20-year-old life will outweigh his music and his influence, and that's fair and reasonable. Others have an easier time separating the artist from the art. To some, his short existence is the most tragic part of the story; a child who wasn't able to overcome a difficult childhood & reach his potential on this planet. A large section of people - particularly the youth - are mourning his death because his words - full of pain of hopelessness - resonated deeply with them.

It's an uncomfortable conversation to have. My mother, god rest her soul, always taught me to never speak ill of the dead. There's a bad taste that fills your mouth when you damn someone who's not able to defend themselves.

It's a shame for a life to be taken so young. Nobody deserves to go out at 20, but his death and his young age doesn't give him a pass for his alleged mistakes either. He was reportedly working on becoming a better person, which is great. Your actions do not tell exactly who you are as a human being, but if what XXXTentacion was accused of doing is true, that can't be swept under a rug. He cannot be made a martyr of. He is not Biggie or Pac. He's not even Malcolm, the man some people have compared as a controversial youth who grew into a man who moved mountains. Let's make it clear: domestic violence is not a "mistake" you made when you were younger. You do not have "growing pains" learning how not to hit women. Just don't hit women. The practice is elementary.

Where society can take XXXTentacion's death and create positive discourse by having a raw discussion about the grave effect abuse has on a child that lingers well into adulthood. XXX was very vocal about the life he had growing up, and how it led him down the path that ultimately led to his death. His music and his words touched a lot of young people who felt depressed, anxious, fucked up and defeated. Some of them lived similar lives to Jahseh Onfroy, or have had some kind of personal affliction addressed in his music. His pain was raw, but it was real, and it's a real feeling inside many of us.

Our society sucks at talking about mental health. People are made to feel as if their feelings and traumas - true and excruciating as it may be - are inconsequential or invisible. But we're all flawed, every single one of us. If we can stop ignoring when others lay their pain bare on the table and just listen, we make a tiny, yet huge leap towards saving our kids.

Jahseh Onfroy's death is a sad tale of an abused child growing up to abuse others. The best way we can remember him is by trying as best as we can to break the cycle.

Ball Don't Lie ep. 20 - The Season Finale ft. @Al_Patron

It's the season finale of Ball Don't Lie! Author & creator Al Patron (@Al_Patron) joins the crew to wrap up the NBA season. Are the Warriors a dynasty, and how long will their window be open for? We also talk about the ridiculous of LeBron James stans and has the GOAT debate finally been laid to rest? Also what's our overall grade on the NBA, did Drake catch the biggest L in Hip-Hop history, and our final Goofy Mogs of the season.

Follow Scott: @Scott_CEOofSUH
Follow Joe: @FlowsAndolini
Follow Pierce: @HennyOmega

Five ways to optimize your 'me time'

With so many things happening in the world, from Kanye’s sunken place views, traumatizing news happening every single day, weather finally jumping from Sprinter to Summer, or maybe feeling overwhelmed from life in general, you deserve a break! Your ‘Me Time’ can be anywhere from a few minutes to a whole month or longer. It’s up to you to decide how long you need to break away from all the worries of the world. Here are some ways to optimize your ‘Me Time’ that I actively do myself!

Airplane Mode

There was a time when phones were only used to call people. Now they are used to connect people to virtually almost anything, especially social media. Have you ever been out with a group of friends and everyone has their mobile device in their hands, not talking to each other? Just observe next time you’re out with friends. Our phones can consume too much of our time and energy whether we’re scrolling through Instagram and Twitter, or responding to text messages and emails. Optimize your me time by unplugging from your phone. Put your phone on airplane mode or power it off, then, place your phone in another room or out of plain site. Having it on airplane mode will prevent you from receiving notifications and you’ll be able to disconnect with the outside world and reconnect to your own mind. Utilize this time to think about ways you can improve your personal well-being or what makes you happy.


Take a Solo Trip

For some, this sounds a little scary or maybe you’re thinking why would I go on a trip by myself? When you travel with others, the activities are usually group focused to appease the majority.

Think about taking a trip, either for a day or an extended weekend, alone. This will allow you to do the things you want to do without worrying if someone else will enjoy it or not. Even if it’s just laying out by the beach all day reading a book, it would be completely up to you. Don’t be afraid to venture on your own to clear your mind and enjoy the essence of doing what you want on your time.

To really optimize your me time, try visiting another country or a city in a different state. Some of the top solo travel locations are Cartagena, Colombia; Iceland; Mexico; and New Zealand. Being in a different country can open your mind to new things as you step out of your personal comfort zone.  If you still don’t feel up to the solo travel completely by yourself, there are also travel groups that focus on bringing together solo travelers together for trips where you will have others to connect with if you so choose.


Meditate

Maybe you don’t have the time to take a solo trip for your me time at the moment, but do you have five minutes to spare? If yes, you can optimize your me time by doing meditation. This allows you to sit silently and allow your mind to get into deep thought with the focus of calmness. Not too sure how to get into meditation? Well there are several apps and even podcasts that can help you start a meditation routine. Some top rated apps for meditation are Headspace, Calm, and The Mindfulness App. These are sure to help you enjoy moments alone.


Get Fresh Air

While the weather is cooperating, take advantage of going outside. Whether it’s going on a hike, taking a walk on your lunch break, or simply sitting outside on a patio with some Lemonade and a good book, it’s good to step out. A lot of people spend their time indoors majority of the day interacting with colleagues. Being able to get fresh air is not only good for optimizing your me time in a calming way, you can also get a dose of Vitamin D from the sun and burn some extra calories. If you’re able, next time you break for lunch, grab your headphones and turn on your favorite podcast, music playlist or just listen to the outdoors and take a walk outside. I find that doing this helps improve my mood so try it out and see for yourself.


Pencil Yourself In

Most importantly, schedule your ‘ Me Time’! We can get ridiculously busy that we forget to put aside time for our own self. If you use a planner or calendar app, add designated ‘Me Time Appts’  into your schedule. Try to aim for at least two times a week, or if you can, work your way up to having me time set aside for everyday, even if it’s only for a few minutes. Having a reminder set up can help you remember to give self care to who needs it the most.

What are things that you do to optimize your ‘Me Time’? Let a girl know! Protect your energy and mind!

-Delilah Shonte

Four ways to heal from past traumas
Getty Images

Getty Images

Many people have been through a turbulent time in our life where it either took a long time to get over it or we are still dealing with the pain it has caused. Holding onto past traumas can prevent you from moving on, accomplishing a task, or even having a good mental health. These are some ways to help with healing from past traumas.

Write it Out

It’s time to get to the root of what is bothering you. It’s not always easy talking to another person about what is going on, but it still helps to get it out in some way. Grab a pen and journal, or even pull up the notes app on your phone or tablet. Start getting your thoughts out. It can be as simple as writing a few words describing your emotions. Under those, describe what it is that has caused you to feel that way. Also write out what makes you feel better as well as things to either change the situation for the better or listing out the positives from it.

Seek Therapy, For the Culture

There is absolutely nothing wrong with seeing a therapist. It can actually do more help than harm when dealing with a past trauma. When you go to therapy, you are seeing a professional who does not know anything about you except for what you open up to them about. The therapist is not there to pass judgement that maybe a friend or family member would, but they will offer you suggestions to think positive and encourage behavior that is healthy for you mentally. There are also new affordable ways to get therapy such as apps that connect you to a licensed therapist through text, audio, or video. Don’t be afraid to open up about what you’ve bottled up.

Forgive Others or Even Yourself

Forgiveness is definitely easier said than done. However, it can lift a huge weight off of your shoulders. Holding on to hurt or anger that someone may caused you doesn’t benefit your mental well-being. Forgiving doesn’t mean you’ll forget what happened, but it’s about removing the resentment. The other person could have moved on with their life and living peacefully, but because you are still holding this grudge, you are allowing negative energy to surround you. Even if you blame yourself for trauma, being able to have a self inventory and realizing you cannot change the past will motivate you to focus on improving for the present and future.

Burning Ritual

Now time for one of my favorites, The Burning Ritual! Yes, this method will require a little fire, so grab a lighter. This type of ritual is a way to release things good or bad into the universe. A lot of people do this during the beginning of the year or around a full or new moon, but it’s up to when you feel it is the right time. Set up for the ritual by using either a bonfire setup, or a pot to pure a fire in. It’s recommended to do this outside for safety reasons as well as making sure the negative energy is not released in your home. You will first want to have a clear and open mind, then write out all of the negative aspects of your life and the traumas that still consume your mind. After, read everything you’ve written out loud and before placing in the fire, state that you will no longer allow the bad energy of these things to affect who you are and that you release them from your life.
 

There are many ways to start the healing process of a past trauma. It’s ultimately up to you to decide how you choose to let go of the bad vibes and feelings of those situations. Even if you’re not currently dealing with any pain, these methods are also good for gaining a new perspective on your life in a positive light! Let me know how you heal from traumas in your life!

Ball Don't Lie Ep.10: Thanos Gonna Wash Wakanda

This week Scott & Flows talk the crazy NFL offsesason so far, potential moves for the Bears, Kevin Love/DeMar Derozan speaking on mental health, Scott's Marvel movie binge watch & much more