This Week in WWE: Smackdown turns Raw's wet fart into an ice cream sandwich
Chris Novak: Off and running with Raw. Baron Corbin smites the crowd for eating carbs on Thanksgiving. Then Lashley uttered the words “beta males,” which is a great way for me to immediately tune myself out. Baron then said we won’t be seeing Strowman for a while, and they then cut to him cutting a pre-taped promo, apparently from Birmingham. Corbin says he figures there’s no way Strowman will be cleared, but the match is still scheduled, and if he doesn’t show up he’s going to forfeit.
Gonna spoil this for you: Braun is going to show up.
The lights then went out and the strum of Elias’ guitar was heard after.
Rob O’Neill: Elias came out and sang about how Lashley sucks. They’re having a match next. This was a fine opening segment.
Chris Novak: This show feels like it’s already on autopilot.
The match was legitimately fine until it got messy. Lio pulled the official out and then Corbin made it a No DQ match. The numbers game worked against Elias and he got destroyed until he got pinned. It worked well with the crowd. I’ve just seen this movie a billion times before, so it didn’t feel like anything unique.
So Corbin fired some dude backstage. Just him being a dick. Here comes Alexa, and after a back-and-forth, Corbin informs Bliss that she's now the GM of the entire Raw women's division. At the risk of sounding too paranoid, I'm not sure how to feel about this because that means Bliss' injuries could put her in a serious, serious bind. And given that she's just 27 years old, that would totally suck. That being said, I'm cautiously optimistic to see how this pans out, even though heel authority figures are so played out.
Rob O’Neill: Ideally it’s just a thing they’re doing for a couple weeks to continue the storyline and all of that but yeah it’s not ideal.
Chris Novak: Dean cuts a promo from his physician’s office. He’s getting a… rabies shot… because he doesn’t know what he’d contract from the people of Houston. He says he’s going to put Seth out of his misery at TLC for good. That was a segment.
Lucha House Party are out here and I presume they’ll face The Revival in some kind of heatless match. And sure enough I was right. This match will probably have the heat of a meat locker.
Rob O’Neill: That was dumb. Lucha House Rules aren’t a thing! It was a 3 on 2 handicap match which is hardly fair.
Chris Novak: Sasha and Bayley did a WWEShop ad and it’s honestly been the highlight of the program.
Rob O’Neill: Oh good, Nia Jax is here. Do we think she’ll gloat about concussing someone or spread falsehoods about how good she is? Probably both! What a shock! she did both. Ronda Rousey came out too and then went back and forth about their match and then Tamina and Nia started to beat Ronda up and Natalya came out but got ambushed by the Riott Squad. Alrighty. Onward.
Chris Novak: That segment was bad and illogical in a lot of ways. Par for the course for Raw right now.
Gable and Roode are facing AOP for the Tag Titles. FEEL the excitement!
Honestly, the match was pretty fine. Drake Maverick decided to be a pest and pissed on Bobby Roode's robe in a toilet. Which naturally provided enough distraction for Roode and Gable to lose their Tag Titles opportunity.
Rob O’Neill: Why is Drake Maverick’s gimmick that he urinates on things? whose idea is this?
Chris Novak: Honestly it was what it was. Don’t really have a huge problem with this being Drake’s gimmick but it’s like I said: It is what it is. It’s the tag division.
Apparently Bayley and Sasha Banks are conducting an open forum later on. This is obviously a trap that will lead to some turmoil of some sort. So… we’ll see what happens!
Rob O’Neill: Ember Moon beat Alicia Fox in a preview of their Mixed Match Challenge match after Smackdown. Ember is teaming with Curt Hawkins now since Braun Strowman is hurt.
Chris Novak: The door is wide open for Bayley and Finn to win this damn thing and you won’t convince me otherwise.
For some reason, No Way Jose is here and he’s facing Jinder. I don’t know what’s going on. Jinder won. I don’t know what ANY of that was.
Seth’s open challenge is next. It’s Dolph. Fuck. This. Television. Show.
The match was good but who the hell cares?
Rob O’Neill: Of all the people they could have picked, they picked Dolph Ziggler. I’m not even mad. I’m actually laughing.
Chris Novak: Open forum time. This could go a… number of ways. We’ll see how it shakes out. Okay they didn’t really do anything but hint at the usual division and then Alicia, Mickie and Dana came out to try and attack them. They instead lost their battle. That segment was just a big pile of nada.
Rob O’Neill: That’s a really good way to describe this entire show, if we’re being honest.
Chris Novak: Finn and Corbin had a fine match until the whole change on the fly thing happened again. Corbin made it 2-on-1 with Drew Mac joining up with him and Balor lost. Lashley came out and they all assaulted Finn.
Rob O’Neill: Oh wow look they did the exact thing they did earlier that i said they do too much. cool!
Chris Novak: This show was a wet fart. F.
Rob O’Neill: Yeah this show was bad. they need to get it together, and fast. F.
Chris Novak: Well, by existing on its own, this show is probably already better than Raw last night.
And Becky Lynch is starting the show, so we’re already off and running here. Becky has new graphics, which is awesome. Bex says she’s done watching and she’s putting herself back in the game. She calls Charlotte Flair out to the ring, and Charlotte is quick to head out. She said she came “pretty close” to giving her the beating she would’ve, but she also doesn’t know who she is. But, Charlotte says she was being herself.
Becky called Charlotte a “bootleg Becky” and the two had a banter back and forth. Paige then announces that the two are facing off at TLC in… a… WOMEN’S TLC MATCH!!
Rob O’Neill: It’s better than Raw because Becky Lynch is here! But yes we’re getting a women’s TLC match and honestly that’s gonna be, well, straight fire.
Chris Novak: The heels then come out and Mandy, leading the charge on the mic, says Paige is showing favortism towards her former friends, and that the others could do the same job. Also, that they have the same desire. Naomi, Asuka, Carmella and Lana then come out, and Naomi says that she actually agrees.
Rob O’Neill: There’s going to be a battle royal tonight, where the winner gets added to the TLC match. Neat!
Chris Novak: The Usos faced The Bar. This will shock you but the match was great. Usos won after pinning Cesaro following a corner splash.
Rob O’Neill: Also Big Show is apparently no longer aligned with The Bar. His alignment is honestly a joke at this point. I love it.
Chris Novak: The New Day and The Miz had a backstage encounter. Lot of hilarity here between The Marine, last week’s tag team match with The Miz & Shane and the two jobbers, Kairi Sane being referenced, among other things.
AJ Styles came out to cut a promo about Daniel Bryan and the way he won the WWE Championship. Styles was pretty matter of fact and angered, and brought up how Bryan wasn’t appearing tonight or at live events and referencing how they do business on Raw. The promo was really good and so far, this show is blowing Raw out of the water.
Rob O’Neill: Are you really surprised though? I mean… consider what we’re talking about here!
Chris Novak: I’m absolutely not surprised. Rusev is facing off with Shinsuke Nakamura. I don’t know why this match is happening but am I complaining? Absolutely not. On second thought, it didn’t happen, because Shinsuke just beat the shit out of Rusev before the match could even start.
Rob O’Neill: Alright, well, that works!
Chris Novak: Time to begin this Jeff Hardy celebration! I wonder what’s going to happen here. They played an absolutely incredible recap video of his WWE career. He thanked everybody but then said he wasn’t going to be making a retirement speech… and cue… SAMOA JOE’S MUSIC!
Rob O’Neill: Joe talks about how Jeff had drug and alcohol problems and let everyone down and people like him can never change. Holy crap.
Chris Novak: Dude just went IN on Hardy and that’s probably selling it short. Good God, Joe is such an asshole. And I mean that in the best way. Hardy challenged him to fight, but Joe was having none of it... tonight, at least.
Kofi Kingston vs. The Miz is next. The match itself was QUITE good, as you might expect. Miz lost after eating Trouble in Paradise. That was really fun.
Rob O’Neill: This has been the exact opposite of Raw! Everything is meaningful and has a purpose and not just slapped together.
Randy Orton is here to talk about why he doesn’t like Rey Mysterio. He notes that he has no interest in learning about other cultures, which, duh, and then Mysterio comes out and hits a 619 on him while selling last week’s neck injury
Chris Novak: Little too on the nose here. Just a little bit. Orton eventually got the better of it and DDT’d him and pulled him through to the outside and caught him with a steel chair to his throat.
Miz is backstage with Shane and the trophy. There’s more banter here, and Miz believes that he, Shane and the trophy are family. This is honestly pretty hilarious.
The battle royal to determine the 3rd woman in the TLC Match at TLC commenced. Fun match. Very fun match actually. It came down to Asuka and Sonya Deville, and in the end, The Empress of Tomorrow picked up the win, and Asuka is heading to TLC!
Rob O’Neill: That was a perfectly fine battle royal and the right person won. the TLC match is gonna be awesome.
Chris Novak: The complete opposite of a wet fart. Nothing bad happened on this show at ALL. A+ for me.
Robert O’Neill: What a difference 24 hours makes. That show had everything. A+