Fan bases that could afford to suck less in 2018
Every sports fan should experience the feeling of your boyhood team winning a championship. The euphoria that comes with seeing the team you stood in the trenches with during lean years and decades of ridicule finally win it all is unrivaled.
I'll never stop mentioning the Cubs winning the World Series in 2016, no matter how annoying it gets. When you've been the butt of jokes in sports - not even your own sport, SPORTSSSSS - then you deserve to talk all the shit you can. You've taken enough L's, so bask in the W they can never take away from you for as long as you can.
But I constantly think about that game - Game 7. Probably the greatest baseball game ever given the win-or-go-home stakes, the two teams at play (Cubs & Indians had the two longest droughts in baseball at the time), and the wild quirkiness of the whole game. What if Joe Maddon didn't fumble the game & let Kyle Hendricks pitch through the fifth? What if Chapman doesn't give up that homer to RAJAI FUCKING DAVIS of all people? What if the Cubs did what they always do and lost?
The dread of rooting for a losing ass team stinks. Some people can turn it off, while others let that stench cling onto their tail end like their name was Slowbro. The Cubs' World Series win sprinkled some much needed positivity in my life, and it has greatly improved my outlook on life.
So hopefully your favorite team can stop sucking soon. Here's the fan bases in each league that could benefit from sucking less.
NBA - New York Knicks
The Cavs could've taken this spot had it not been for chasedown block + three-pointer, and the Clippers don't have real fans so they're not eligible. The Wizards are a close second, having not seen a conference final since the 70s, but the true winner here are Knicks fans.
A paragon of mediocrity, the closest the Knicks have been to the Larry O'Brien trophy in the last 45 years was in the 90s. MJ only allowed his sons to compete in the NBA Finals the years after he retired. When they did, they ran into three of the best big men in history (Olajuwon in '94, Duncan/Robinson in '99)
That's the only times New York has been to the Finals since their two titles in the 70s. Before the Garden was Eden, the Knickerbockers were the NBA's dormat, often getting kicked out for the circus. That means niggas would rather watch elephants shit than see you play ball. I know this was during the days when Dolph Schayes worked the daytime as a meter maid before fucking you up for a cool 8 points and 22 rebounds in Syracuse, but still that's pretty embarassing g.
The Knicks do have a legendary arena, legendary names and a fun kid in Kristaps Porzingis who makes the Knicks must-watch every night they're in the Garden, but Knicks fans, try not to suck going forward...
MLB - Cleveland Indians
Damn it feels good not to write 'Chicago Cubs' there. The team they beat for that title will reach 70 years of futility this year. When the Indians are great, they're a team that makes you wonder who can stop them. But Cleveland always seems to catch a bad break.
Like blowing Game 7 of the 1997 World Series. Or blowing a 3-1 lead in the 2007 ALCS. Or blowing a 3-1 lead in the 2016 WS. Or blowing a 2-0 lead in the 2017 ALDS. You get the point.
The Indians can't close out series, and now their fan base stands alone as the longest waiting in MLB. Maybe good fortunes are to come iff the team ever changes its problematic name, or just do away with Chief Wahoo finally.
NFL - Cleveland Browns
The Cardinals hold the longest active drought in major North American sports, but they're less tortured and more terrible. The Lions and Eagles are both equal in their suck, although the Eagles have actually played in a Super Bowl. The Jets are my favorite train wreck to watch in sports, but there's no more tortured fan base in sports than the Cleveland Browns.
It's a shame Cleveland has two sports on this list. Thank LeBron or the Cavs would join them. Browns fans had to endure The Drive right before seeing their Super Bowl hopes crash down later on with The Fumble. Then Art Modell gave them a big middle finger and moved the team to Baltimore. An expansion team in 1999 has only yielded bad results and the QB jersey with the long list of names that will get even longer next season.
The Browns are so bad, they went 0-16 and nobody cared. THEY DID NOT WIN A FOOTBALL GAME IN ONE CALENDAR YEAR and not a soul outside of Cleveland gave a damn. Browns fans even held a parade to celebrate their sorriness. I thank God as pathetic as some of the teams I root for are, I'll never be as sorry as a Browns fan. I hope you guys do better.
NHL - Toronto Maple Leafs
I'm not a hockey expert, but everyone I know from Toronto tells me the Leafs are the sorriest thing since sliced bread, and people from Toronto have pretty good judgement so I believe them. It's been more than 50 years since the Leafs have won the Stanley Cup, and when you operate as one of hockey's most expensive franchises, you better win before another team in your city does.
The Leafs collapse that does stand out to me is that Game 7 against Boston where they lead 4-1 lead in the third period. Playoff hockey is so unpredictable and can change on a dime, but watching the soul get sucked out of the city of Toronto is something I haven't seen in the sport since. The Leafs are good again with Auston Matthews, but if they don't win yet, the Blue Jays and Raptors have a chance to win over a new generation of youtes.